What a ride it has been. The past several years have been non-stop. Doctor's appointments innumerable, miles racked up on the van, not even remembering where I am driving on any given day as I get in "the mode". It is unnerving when you suddenly realize you don't know where you are headed at that moment. Then it clicks and the panic subsides.
I think about those who don't know God and how He directs. What a panic that must bring about in people at moments where life is falling apart. My life has practically fallen apart many times in the past few years and yet God is so faithful. He has not let me go. He has held me up in the hopeless moments. He has given me strength when I just have nothing left. He has sent just the right person and the right words at just the right moment to keep me going.
I was able to get away this past April for a week to my good friend Kelsey MacMaster's house. She and her husband have no children, but a sweet little dog by the name of Bailey. I have never been what you would call a dog person mostly because I grew up with cats and some dogs freak me out with their barking and jumping. I just didn't know what life with one was like. I enjoyed my time away. It was quiet. Very quiet. It took me 36-48 hours to simply unwind. I didn't know how to just be still. It was a new concept for me. I have always been one who likes to be busy and in motion, but my life has dictated that pace at a rapid rate the past several years. So to be able to just BE was a new concept to me. It was heavenly. I renewed and refreshed. I rediscovered who and what I am as a person.....not as wife, mom, friend, doctor, taxi driver, etc. Simply ME. It was rejuvinating. I came home remembering some of the things I used to love doing. I rediscovered the things that filled me up. I learned some new things about myself. I found out even more new things after I got home and started seeing a counselor to help me establish boundaries and a balance for myself. I remembered how much I loved to read. I enjoy being in the kitchen trying new things again(though it is hard with the various tastebuds in our family). I am learning to say no even to things and people that I enjoy and want to help but have relearned my limits.
I got to cuddle with Bailey on the couch reading often throughout the day. It was glorious. Kelsey asked me daily if there was anything I wanted to do, but I really didn't want to go anywhere. We went for walks and drank coffee and painted our toenails, but it was nice just being somewhere that there was no schedule and no pressing matters and no one calling my name every 2 minutes and no medications to be administered except for my own.
God met me there and reminded me how much worth I have. He reminded me that my needs are also important and that if I don't spend time caring for myself that I can't take care of anyone else well. I do it empty and frustrated and exhausted. He filled me in a way that no human will ever be able to do.
This summer my goal has been to keep it simple, keep it calm, keep it slow. We took 6 weeks off from the crazy schedule of appointments. We are just BEING. I needed it. The kids needed it. Our bank account needed it. We have slept in, stayed in our pjs. Drank coffee, watched too much tv. And it is ok. Because as soon as August 27th or whatever date hits that school starts up again life becomes mostly a whirlwind until it ends again the end of June. So for now we focus on rest. We focus on each other's needs. We focus on God. We focus on relationships.
My encouragement to you today is to reevaluate your days. See where your time is spent. Is it on what is truly important? My sister in law reminds me often that the house cleaning.....it's all gonna burn. :) I love that reminder. Not that we should live in filth and not that we shouldn't train our children how to care for what God has given us. However, it is not what is truly important for today or for eternity.
Stay cool in this heat and BE.
