Some days I feel like I have it pretty well put together. I feel like I have had a good time with the Lord and I didn't yell at my kids and I loved my husband well. Other days I feel like I have nothing together. But even on my best days, there are still things that I can be working on and towards.
God has been showing me some of this the past 2 weeks. It is hard. It's hard to see all that you are doing wrong when you felt like you were doing pretty good. And yet without change there would be no improvement, no growth. God loves us where we are at, yes; but He also loves us too much to leave us there.
Let's face it, if your child were struggling with treating others with love you would still love them right? But you certainly would try to train and teach them that they need to love others for their sake as well as others. Mostly to please God, but there are certainly repurcussions for our actions as well. If your child isn't being loving then chances are they won't have many friends. You don't want that for your child.
God doesn't want that for us either.
God has been showing me that I have been living in fear due to certain circumstances. My counselor showed me that I had been unforgiving and that I need to not "be anxious about anything(Phil. 4:6)." The funny part is that when I was leaving he told me be aware because those thoughts and doubts will creep up by the end of the day. You need to "take them captive" and claim "the peace of God which passes all understanding" and "think on what is true"(Phil 4). I did pretty well for the past couple of days. Not that thoughts didn't come in, but I was able for the most part to rebuke them. But then last night hit. Just not being sure of where things are at I started to fear. And then it grew(kind of like the rumor weed in Larry Boy, except mine was fear). I tried to pray and take it captive. It didn't go well.
So here I am right back where I started. I know it will take time to get rid of the old bad habit and to form a new healthy one, but man it can be discouraging. I am all gung-ho about getting this under control, but I am still going to fall/stumble.
I remember Brian's best friend Kirby giving a sermon YEARS ago that still sticks in my brain today. He said it isn't a question of whether or not you will fall. The question is that WHEN you fall what are you going to do about it. You can stay down and discouraged and throw in the towel and give up. Or you can get back up again, brush yourself off and keep working toward the goal.
I want to be the type of person that gets right back up and keeps working toward that goal. I don't want to stay defeated. That is what Satan wants and I certainly don't want him to feel the joy of that victory. He already had a mini victory when I stumbled.
I love Psalm 139. I was reading it again this morning and being reminded of how God views me. Read it if you also need the reminder. The last 2 verses of the passage have been a challenge to me over the years off and on. Sometimes when I feel like things are going really well I will pray those verses and ask God to reveal to me what I should/could be working on. Well, this morning God is already showing me what I need to be working on, yet something popped out that I don't know that I have seen before(I love that about God's Word). It's verses 23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Did you see it? The word anxious. God knows my anxious thoughts. He knows I have been having them and that I needed the reminder that I need to be led in the way everlasting.
I can't do this alone. God is the one who will take me by the hand, even carry me sometimes through the muck and mire. He isn't afraid to roll up His sleeves and get into it with me to help me through. He loves me that much. I am so thankful for a God who cares so deeply about me. He doesn't say "Ugh, you did it again." No, He loves me and has pity and compassion on me and says to my soul "Yes, you fell again, but I am here to help you walk through this. You are not alone. You are not worthless. You are human, frail. I designed you this way. I want you to rely on me and keep your eyes focused on me."
A pastor I once had said this quote "I'm going to glance at my problems and gaze at my God." What power there is in that practice!
How about you today? Are you being shown some things that you need to work on? Let's encourage one another on the path to sanctification. It is a process not a destination. Keep fighting the good fight and keep the faith. We will arrive......in heaven. On earth there will be troubles the Bible says, but there is victory in Jesus. Keep holding on.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thankfulness for Today
Godly friends who give godly advice
Girl's night out
Prayer to a loving Heavenly Father
Beautiful weather
No cavities at the dentist
Fun trip to the playground with my 4 blessings(kids)
A husband who provides through working hard
Hugs from my children
A God who cares about me intimately
A family who loves and supports me through thick and thin
Answered prayer
Support of close friends
The constant reminder that God's ways/plans are not mine
God's peace and joy in my life
God's faithfulness to me
Girl's night out
Prayer to a loving Heavenly Father
Beautiful weather
No cavities at the dentist
Fun trip to the playground with my 4 blessings(kids)
A husband who provides through working hard
Hugs from my children
A God who cares about me intimately
A family who loves and supports me through thick and thin
Answered prayer
Support of close friends
The constant reminder that God's ways/plans are not mine
God's peace and joy in my life
God's faithfulness to me
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Todays Graces
Graces for today:
Beautiful, tall, happy sunflowers in our garden
Freshly mowed grass
My children and all their boisterous energy
My wonderful husband and all the patience he has for me, a sinful wife who messes up daily
Playing soccer with my children in the front yard(and the ability to still do a cartwheel!)
A quick, cool dip in the pool to cool off after the soccer game
Coffee.....love
Truth, though it sometimes hurts
Conviction, though it makes me uncomfortable, it causes me to strive to be a better person
Peace amidst trials
Pain and suffering, reminds me I am human and not there yet
Beautiful, tall, happy sunflowers in our garden
Freshly mowed grass
My children and all their boisterous energy
My wonderful husband and all the patience he has for me, a sinful wife who messes up daily
Playing soccer with my children in the front yard(and the ability to still do a cartwheel!)
A quick, cool dip in the pool to cool off after the soccer game
Coffee.....love
Truth, though it sometimes hurts
Conviction, though it makes me uncomfortable, it causes me to strive to be a better person
Peace amidst trials
Pain and suffering, reminds me I am human and not there yet
"You are not my enemy"
Why is it that the people closest to us, the ones we care the most about, and love the deepest, are the ones we hurt the easiest and the deepest and the most often? I hate this about myself. It is the one part of me that I loathe the most actually. I am one of those people who truly would do everything in my power to NEVER hurt anyone, let alone the ones I love the most. Except you know what? I can't always control it. I can't do a stinking thing about it always. I can work my hardest and be ever so conscious of it continually and yet there will still be times that I am breaking the heart of the one I love most.
This is where my title comes in. Brian and I have been to 3 Family Life marriage conferences over the years, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the one we attended 6 years ago. We were in the battle of our lives to save our marriage and our family. Satan wanted it badly. God wanted it too and He won...Praise the Lord. The one session I remember the most was profound to say the least. I don't remember his name or anything that he said that day except this one part. He asked us to turn to each other and hold each other's hands and look into each other's eyes and repeat "You are not my enemy." Profound right? Probably not to everyone. But to us in that moment it was huge!!! By the third time we said it we were no longer giggling, but the truth truly settled into our hearts. It was like God had just turned on a huge lightbulb in our hearts. We were angry with each other, hurt, mad, sad, betrayed.....on and on went the feelings, but the bottom line was that we were wrestling "not with flesh and blood, but with powers, etc." Satan wanted our family to be ripped into a million pieces, but that isn't what God wanted at all and He showed us clearly where our minds had drifted astray!
I'm so thankful that He did. But the fact still remains that I don't always respond great when my wonderful husband arrives at home every day. The long day wears on me and my mood is unpredictable depending on how things went with the kids. I know with God's help that I can resolve this, but it is a pattern that has been set for sure. Instead of greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss showing how much I missed him all day and asking about his day, he is often met with me breaking up a fight between brothers, or settling an argument about who had it first, or just the mess that our house is some days at the end of a long day/week with 6 people in it.
I must confess that I don't even realize that I do it, because again it was a pattern set so long ago that it is now a habit that must be broken so that I can in turn develop a new healthy pattern so Brian will want to come home to his wife who is always happy to see him. Because in spite of my mood, that is seriously the best part of my day is the moment he drives in that driveway. He is my best friend, my partner in life and the one I love to spend my time with making memories and laughing til my side hurts.
He is a wonderful husband too. He is almost always in a good mood and very steady. He loves me well. I feel treasured in his arms and in his look. He has provided so well for me all these years and man can he make me laugh! He is sexy and strong and just all around wonderful. I hate that I take him for granted, because the reality is that as I look around a lot of people I know are walking away from their marriages because this kind of stuff gets left unfixed, unsaid, and just plain old messy.
I don't ever want him to not feel loved. So here is my pledge to you godly girlies who read my post....I pledge to welcome my best friend home as though he were the prodigal son. I want you all to hold me to it. Because the bottom line is I don't want to lose/ruin the best thing going in my life right now.
This is where my title comes in. Brian and I have been to 3 Family Life marriage conferences over the years, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the one we attended 6 years ago. We were in the battle of our lives to save our marriage and our family. Satan wanted it badly. God wanted it too and He won...Praise the Lord. The one session I remember the most was profound to say the least. I don't remember his name or anything that he said that day except this one part. He asked us to turn to each other and hold each other's hands and look into each other's eyes and repeat "You are not my enemy." Profound right? Probably not to everyone. But to us in that moment it was huge!!! By the third time we said it we were no longer giggling, but the truth truly settled into our hearts. It was like God had just turned on a huge lightbulb in our hearts. We were angry with each other, hurt, mad, sad, betrayed.....on and on went the feelings, but the bottom line was that we were wrestling "not with flesh and blood, but with powers, etc." Satan wanted our family to be ripped into a million pieces, but that isn't what God wanted at all and He showed us clearly where our minds had drifted astray!
I'm so thankful that He did. But the fact still remains that I don't always respond great when my wonderful husband arrives at home every day. The long day wears on me and my mood is unpredictable depending on how things went with the kids. I know with God's help that I can resolve this, but it is a pattern that has been set for sure. Instead of greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss showing how much I missed him all day and asking about his day, he is often met with me breaking up a fight between brothers, or settling an argument about who had it first, or just the mess that our house is some days at the end of a long day/week with 6 people in it.
I must confess that I don't even realize that I do it, because again it was a pattern set so long ago that it is now a habit that must be broken so that I can in turn develop a new healthy pattern so Brian will want to come home to his wife who is always happy to see him. Because in spite of my mood, that is seriously the best part of my day is the moment he drives in that driveway. He is my best friend, my partner in life and the one I love to spend my time with making memories and laughing til my side hurts.
He is a wonderful husband too. He is almost always in a good mood and very steady. He loves me well. I feel treasured in his arms and in his look. He has provided so well for me all these years and man can he make me laugh! He is sexy and strong and just all around wonderful. I hate that I take him for granted, because the reality is that as I look around a lot of people I know are walking away from their marriages because this kind of stuff gets left unfixed, unsaid, and just plain old messy.
I don't ever want him to not feel loved. So here is my pledge to you godly girlies who read my post....I pledge to welcome my best friend home as though he were the prodigal son. I want you all to hold me to it. Because the bottom line is I don't want to lose/ruin the best thing going in my life right now.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Change My Life
OK, so here I go again. It has been forever again since I was on here, but a sweet faithful friend of mine begged me to get back on the bandwagon so here goes.....
This summer has been a bit rough, I will admit. But through it all, God is so good and so faithful(thus the title of my blog). He has shown Himself faithful time and again. I don't even doubt Him anymore when trials arise. Don't get me wrong, I get sad, scared, lonely, etc....but I don't doubt that He is there and has my best interest at heart and that He will see me through no matter what the outcome of the trial.
You see I know a secret. It is that humans are not trustworthy but our all-knowing, all-loving, provider God IS!!! He is so reliable. He is so faithful through it all. Even when I haven't been paying attention to Him he is there waiting for me to come spend time with Him. For the record, I love spending time with Him daily. It is just that some days get away from me. Mostly because of my need/desire for more sleep in the morning than any other reason. With our lyme disease I tend to have trouble getting up in the mornings. When I keep a routine/schedule I do much better. I enjoy my special chair and my coffee and my time with God. It is the best part of my day. He met me there today! I love it!
So through all of these difficulties this summer, one in particular that I won't go into detail, God gave me the strength I needed to get through. The way He seems to speak to me the most is through music. I have to say that through the years, worship is the best way to speak to my soul. The words just get me. And every trial a different song(s) affects me in ways it hasn't before.
This time it was a song by Ashes Remain. The song is "Change My Life." The words go like this:
I’m still awake tonight / broken up inside
I wanna run / but I don’t know where to go
I’m calling Your name / through the pain
Will You turn Your face to me
I’m crying out / I need a miracle
// CHORUS: If You could make the sun burn through the night
And You could make the dead man come alive
If You could make the oceans all run dry
Then I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life //
I wanna know who You are / that You can fix my heart
And I don’t have to run anymore
Open my eyes / let me see
Give me hope and set me free
Cause I don’t wanna be the way I was before
// CHORUS //
Give me something to believe in
Something worth fighting for
Something that I can’t ignore
You could make the sun burn through the night
You could make the oceans all run dry…
//CHORUS//
I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life
God totally used these words to speak life into my soul. If the God of the universe can make the sun burn through the night, and the dead man come alive, and the oceans all run dry; certainly He can change my life and my circumstances. I just clung to that promise and belief through those tough days and you know what? He DID! He doesn't leave us there alone. He pulls us up, carries us, holds us in His loving arms, and gives us exactly what we need as we take one tedious step after another. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle, but we have a God who can lift us up and carry us through the day. Just hold on. He will see you through!
This summer has been a bit rough, I will admit. But through it all, God is so good and so faithful(thus the title of my blog). He has shown Himself faithful time and again. I don't even doubt Him anymore when trials arise. Don't get me wrong, I get sad, scared, lonely, etc....but I don't doubt that He is there and has my best interest at heart and that He will see me through no matter what the outcome of the trial.
You see I know a secret. It is that humans are not trustworthy but our all-knowing, all-loving, provider God IS!!! He is so reliable. He is so faithful through it all. Even when I haven't been paying attention to Him he is there waiting for me to come spend time with Him. For the record, I love spending time with Him daily. It is just that some days get away from me. Mostly because of my need/desire for more sleep in the morning than any other reason. With our lyme disease I tend to have trouble getting up in the mornings. When I keep a routine/schedule I do much better. I enjoy my special chair and my coffee and my time with God. It is the best part of my day. He met me there today! I love it!
So through all of these difficulties this summer, one in particular that I won't go into detail, God gave me the strength I needed to get through. The way He seems to speak to me the most is through music. I have to say that through the years, worship is the best way to speak to my soul. The words just get me. And every trial a different song(s) affects me in ways it hasn't before.
This time it was a song by Ashes Remain. The song is "Change My Life." The words go like this:
I’m still awake tonight / broken up inside
I wanna run / but I don’t know where to go
I’m calling Your name / through the pain
Will You turn Your face to me
I’m crying out / I need a miracle
// CHORUS: If You could make the sun burn through the night
And You could make the dead man come alive
If You could make the oceans all run dry
Then I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life //
I wanna know who You are / that You can fix my heart
And I don’t have to run anymore
Open my eyes / let me see
Give me hope and set me free
Cause I don’t wanna be the way I was before
// CHORUS //
Give me something to believe in
Something worth fighting for
Something that I can’t ignore
You could make the sun burn through the night
You could make the oceans all run dry…
//CHORUS//
I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life
God totally used these words to speak life into my soul. If the God of the universe can make the sun burn through the night, and the dead man come alive, and the oceans all run dry; certainly He can change my life and my circumstances. I just clung to that promise and belief through those tough days and you know what? He DID! He doesn't leave us there alone. He pulls us up, carries us, holds us in His loving arms, and gives us exactly what we need as we take one tedious step after another. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle, but we have a God who can lift us up and carry us through the day. Just hold on. He will see you through!
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