The Long Hard Road

Some days I feel like I have it pretty well put together.  I feel like I have had a good time with the Lord and I didn't yell at my kids and I loved my husband well.  Other days I feel like I have nothing together.  But even on my best days, there are still things that I can be working on and towards. 

God has been showing me some of this the past 2 weeks.  It is hard.  It's hard to see all that you are doing wrong when you felt like you were doing pretty good.  And yet without change there would be no improvement, no growth.  God loves us where we are at, yes; but He also loves us too much to leave us there. 

 Let's face it, if your child were struggling with treating others with love you would still love them right?  But you certainly would try to train and teach them that they need to love others for their sake as well as others.  Mostly to please God, but there are certainly repurcussions for our actions as well.  If your child isn't being loving then chances are they won't have many friends.  You don't want that for your child. 

God doesn't want that for us either. 

God has been showing me that I have been living in fear due to certain circumstances.  My counselor showed me that I had been unforgiving and that I need to not "be anxious about anything(Phil. 4:6)."  The funny part is that when I was leaving he told me be aware because those thoughts and doubts will creep up by the end of the day.  You need to "take them captive" and claim "the peace of God which passes all understanding" and "think on what is true"(Phil 4).  I did pretty well for the past couple of days.  Not that thoughts didn't come in, but I was able for the most part to rebuke them.  But then last night hit.  Just not being sure of where things are at I started to fear.  And then it grew(kind of like the rumor weed in Larry Boy, except mine was fear).  I tried to pray and take it captive.  It didn't go well. 

So here I am right back where I started.  I know it will take time to get rid of the old bad habit and to form a new healthy one, but man it can be discouraging.  I am all gung-ho about getting this under control, but I am still going to fall/stumble.

I remember Brian's best friend Kirby  giving a sermon YEARS ago that still sticks in my brain today.  He said it isn't a question of whether or not you will fall.  The question is that WHEN you fall what are you going to do about it.  You can stay down and discouraged and throw in the towel and give up.  Or you can get back up again, brush yourself off and keep working toward the goal. 

I want to be the type of person that gets right back up and keeps working toward that goal.  I don't want to stay defeated.  That is what Satan wants and I certainly don't want him to feel the joy of that victory.  He already had a mini victory when I stumbled. 

I love Psalm 139.  I was reading it again this morning and being reminded of how God views me.  Read it if you also need the reminder.  The last 2 verses of the passage have been a challenge to  me over the years off and on.  Sometimes when I feel like things are going really well I will pray those verses and ask God to reveal to me what I should/could be working on.  Well, this morning God is already showing me what I need to be working on, yet something popped out that I don't know that I have seen before(I love that about God's Word).  It's verses 23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  Did you see it?  The word anxious.  God knows my anxious thoughts.  He knows I have been having them and that I needed the reminder that I need to be led in the way everlasting.  

I can't do this alone.  God is the one who will take me by the hand, even carry me sometimes through the muck and mire.  He isn't afraid to roll up His sleeves and get into it with me to help me through.  He loves me that much.  I am so thankful for a God who cares so deeply about me.  He doesn't say "Ugh, you did it again." No, He loves me and has pity and compassion on me and says to my soul "Yes, you fell again, but I am here to help you walk through this.  You are  not alone.  You are not worthless.  You are human, frail.  I designed you this way.  I want you to rely on me and keep your eyes focused on me." 

A pastor I once had said this quote "I'm going to glance at my problems and gaze at my God."  What power there is in that practice! 

How about you today?  Are you being shown some things that you need to work on?  Let's encourage one another on the path to sanctification.  It is a process not a destination.  Keep fighting the good fight and keep the faith.  We will arrive......in heaven.  On earth there will be troubles the Bible says, but there is victory in Jesus.  Keep holding on.