"You are not my enemy"

Why is it that the people closest to us, the ones we care the most about, and love the deepest, are the ones we hurt the easiest and the deepest and the most often?  I hate this about myself.  It is the one part of me that I loathe the most actually.  I am one of those people who truly would do everything in my power to NEVER hurt anyone, let alone the ones I love the most.  Except you know what?  I can't always control it.  I can't do a stinking thing about it always.  I can work my hardest and be ever so conscious of it continually and yet there will still be times that I am breaking the heart of the one I love most. 

This is where my title comes in.  Brian and I have been to 3 Family Life marriage conferences over the years, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the one we attended 6 years ago.  We were in the battle of our lives to save our marriage and our family.  Satan wanted it badly.  God wanted it too and He won...Praise the Lord.  The one session I remember the most was profound to say the least.  I don't remember his name or anything that he said that day except this one part.  He asked us to turn to each other and hold each other's hands and look into each other's eyes and repeat "You are not my enemy."  Profound right?  Probably not to everyone.  But to us in that moment it was huge!!! By the third time we said it we were no longer giggling, but the truth truly settled into our hearts.  It was like God had just turned on a huge lightbulb in our hearts.  We were angry with each other, hurt, mad, sad, betrayed.....on and on went the feelings, but the bottom line was that we were wrestling "not with flesh and blood, but with powers, etc."  Satan wanted our family to be ripped into a million pieces, but that isn't what God wanted at all and He showed us clearly where our minds had drifted astray!

I'm so thankful that He did.  But the fact still remains that I don't always respond great when my wonderful husband arrives at home every day.  The long day wears on me and my mood is unpredictable depending on how things went with the kids.  I know with God's help that I can resolve this, but it is a pattern that has been set for sure.  Instead of greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss showing how much I missed him all day and asking about his day, he is often met with me breaking up a fight between brothers, or settling an argument about who had it first, or just the mess that our house is some days at the end of a long day/week with 6 people in it.

I must confess that I don't even realize that I do it, because again it was a pattern set so long ago that it is now a habit that must be broken so that I can in turn develop a new healthy pattern so Brian will want to come home to his wife who is always happy to see him.  Because in spite of my mood, that is seriously the best part of my day is the moment he drives in that driveway.  He is my best friend, my partner in life and the one I love to spend my time with making memories and laughing til my side hurts.

He is a wonderful husband too.  He is almost always in a good mood and very steady.  He loves me well.  I feel treasured in his arms and in his look.  He has provided so well for me all these years and man can he make me laugh!  He is sexy and strong and just all around wonderful.  I hate that I take him for granted, because the reality is that as I look around a lot of people I know are walking away from their marriages because this kind of stuff gets left unfixed, unsaid, and just plain old messy. 

I don't ever want him to not feel loved.  So here is my pledge to you godly girlies who read my post....I pledge to welcome my best friend home as though he were the prodigal son.  I want you all to hold me to it.  Because the bottom line is I don't want to lose/ruin the best thing going in my life right now.