Complete

How quickly life changes.....I was looking back to the last time I wrote here....so much has happened since then.  I have read back through my journals for the past 3 years as well and seeing God's hand at work has been such a blessing.  I am not regular at journaling or keeping up here either, but what time I have spent writing, has truly blessed my heart to be able to look back and see all the ways God has held me up and the many ways He has seen us through some ridiculously difficult days and situations.  It is unmistakably his Hand at work. There is no other explanation.

The beginning of October, Brian went to visit his family, and on the way home he had hit rock bottom and texted me.  I felt for the first moment in months that there was hope.  It's ironic how in the darkest moment is when you can feel the lightest knowing that possibly God was finally answering your prayers that you had been faithfully praying for for months, years even.  I never stopped believing that God COULD restore us, but whether or not he WOULD was a different story.  It certainly looked grim for a long time.  We were supposed to be headed to the court to file for divorce that same week following his trip to Montreal, yet God saw fit to turn it around at the last possible moment.

In the two weeks following his trip things seemed different, but I dared not hope too much.  I was cautiously excited to see what God was doing in our lives.  It was cool to watch things turn around between us.  There was understandably hesitation and caution on both of our parts.  We decided at the end of the month to try to reconcile, knowing we would need outside help with the process.  As the days, weeks, and months continued; we slowly moved in a positive direction and God saw us through honeymoon days and some really tough Speed Bumps along the way.

Now after just over three months of being under the same roof again, I see God's gift in my husband and all that he has meant to me over the years, but what I refused(or was too distracted) to see for much of those days.  I am so thankful for who and what he is in my life.  He is the laughter and joy in my heart and life; and the love of each new morning, he is like the sunshine that had been missing during our year apart; he is the other half of me that was broken and gone from my life.  I still have moments that overwhelm me with joy and thankfulness that he is a part of my life again each day and not gone from my life forever.  I feel sadness over all that I almost lost and relief that I didn't in fact lose it.

Counting my Blessings is something that I have been challenged to do over and over again since I was a high schooler.  I certainly have come by my blessings easily in these past months.  They stare me in the face every morning I wake up and every night I crawl into bed.  I am truly the luckiest girl in the world to still have the love of my life by my side and to have not needed to lose him to find it out, though it was closer than I ever want to come again.  I intend to never again take advantage of him so that he feels worthless, and yet I know that I am prone to making stupid mistakes and forgetting quickly but I certainly hope I don't make him feel that way ever again.  He is such a blessing in my life.

I am sorry my love for not realizing the gem I had in you before and I vow to doing my best to never again making you feel like you aren't the most important human being in my life.  Because you are, and I am not complete without you in my life each and every day.

God is my all, but my Number 2 is for sure YOU! I love you.