Saturday

I have come to love Saturdays, busy or not. We work together as a family to get caught up from our crazy busy week of appointments and activities, homework and work. We then all get to play together. Rest in the afternoon and just be together.

Today we had our small group over for lunch and everyone brought food to share. It was a beautiful spread, almost as good as Panera! We enjoyed the chaos of 10 children 6 adults and lots of food. It was a fun time of fellowship in the middle of our day where we could just be together and encourage one another in our families. I enjoy this group with all my heart. They understand me and love me all the same. They see my family as imperfect and love them the way they are. We encourage one another to continue growing in our faith and walk with God. I am truly thankful for God's gift of these beautiful people in my life.

I hope that all of you are so lucky to have people like this in your life. Enjoy every day as though it is your last, because we just never know! God has our days numbered and we are responsible to make the most of every moment for His glory.

Perseverance

You know you have had a rough week when you haven't even had time to clean your toilets which take all of 5 minutes each to clean thoroughly; and since I can't stand dirty toilets, this tells you something about my week. We have had appointment after appointment for the past two weeks and this week is even worse......come on next week! :)

God is sustaining me through these crazy days in spite of myself. I am worn out, but have not given up yet. I know that this is a stage of life, though it has been two long years of many appointments weekly and it doesn't seem to be slowing down; instead it is getting worse at the moment. But, all that said, I know that God has a plan even in all of this.

I commented to Brian the other day how this is God's will for our life right now. He commented back "No this was not in God's plans; sickness, disease, etc." He is right....it wasn't in God's original plans. But like Job I choose to continue to praise Him in these trials because I know that "the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." (James 1: 3b-6)

In all of these health trials we have faced I have asked God for wisdom and He continues to give direction and confirmation. It has been and continues to be a long road. But knowing that in the end there is a hope waiting for me, even if it means after this life on earth, it is sooooo worth the wait. My sister-in-law says "it's only a life sentence." And I thank my heavenly Father for His promises to me of eternity. He has not disappointed me yet and I know for certain that He will not then either! I for one, can't wait! :)

Until then, I continue to persevere. Lord Jesus, keep my eyes on the prize which is you.

God's Balm for my Aching Heart

I love how God gives us just what we need when we need it the most. I bought a devotional when I was out shopping with my SIL per her suggestion called "Jesus Calling". They are just quick, short ones, but they lift my spirit for sure. It is like God is speaking balm to my aching heart. I love when the day you read something it is just what you needed. He is meeting me in my trying times that is for sure.

Here is what I read(some of it) on Tuesday:
"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are boneweary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life."

"....your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents(the world, the flesh, and the devil). However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence."

Here is what I read yesterday:
"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.......When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to me......I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place."

Can I just tell you how much this brought me to tears. It is EXACTLY where I am right now and God met me in the muck and mire, just like a Good Shepherd will. He is so precious to me. I truly don't know how I would walk even one day without Him right now.

#952: a Shepherd who cares for me deeply
#953: trials that refine me
#954: how God meets me where I am at
#955: how God gives me what I need when I need it most
#956: dear friends who pray and encourage and spur me on(thank you Angelica Smith, you are precious to me)
#957: my goofy son who makes me smile even in my worse moments
#958: my husband who just wraps his arms around me and comforts me in my pain
#959: friends and neighbor who help in tangible ways with our kids and understand that I am not completly psychotic, just weary(Sandy & Mike Unger you are true blessings to our family...thank you)
#960: God's Word that gives me my daily bread and keeps my eyes on Him

My Shepherd

I will be honest and say I feel like I hit the wall again today. It just seems as though I am drowning in my circumstances. I'm trying so hard to keep my eyes on Him, but even He took time aside to regroup and pray and rest. I have not had that opportunity in so long that my frail, human self is at its wits end.

So much goes on in our lives in the course of a week, let alone one day in our existence. Bradley is getting help, yes, but I found out that the lyme meds he will need to be on in the spring will interact with the other med we just started him on. So now we need to find an alternative med and he just got a new prescription filled yesterday! AHHHH!

Also, Dylan has not been going to bed. I'm sure the reasons are two-fold: Brian being on nights, and his concussion keeps him out of all activity during the day so he is not tired. He got angry at school today and couldn't seem to control himself, which is not like him. So the doctor told me that when kids have concussions their ability to control their impulses are diminished-GREAT!

There is more, but none-the-less, I just feel at the end of my rope. I know who holds my tomorrows and I rest in the knowledge that he doesn't allow more than I can handle. But let me be real in saying that I have certainly asked Him lately what He is thinking. My shoulders and jaw hurt from all the stress. Tomorrow they remove my skin cancer......hopefully that is the only spot there is any.

Life goes on......and I am clinging to my faithful God with all my strength, but more importantly He is holding on to me with all His strength, which far outweighs any I have. Praise the Lord! So grateful for my Shepherd. He carries me on His shoulders when I am bruised, and I am definitely there!

The Long Road

What a long road this has been and in some ways it is just getting started. Bradley's appointment went well today. We got answers and have a direction and a doctor to follow up with us finally. What a huge blessing. His road will be long~lifelong, but God will hold his hand through it all if he allows him to. I pray that now he can start to heal and find his way back to God's side for the long journey ahead. I hope that he finds, like his momma, that his journey would be so much more joyful if he walks it with his faithful God instead of going it alone.

I am thankful for one more thing being answered, but it is a hard thing to swallow too. Knowing Jeremiah 29:11 is certainly a comfort knowing God knows the plans He has for Bradley. His plan if for Bradley to prosper, to give him a hope and not harm. I pray this truth to be ingrained into Bradley's heart so that he will cling to his Savior during the difficult times. Also that God would protect Bradley through those desperate times he will surely face in life.

I am so thankful too that Brian worked nights this week(probably one of the few times you will ever hear me say that) so that he was able to be there for the appointment. God sure is in the big and the little things in life.

I'm so glad that I am able to journey through this life on earth with my Faithful God.

God showed up....are you surprised?

The suns rays came shining through on our humble little home today. Brian passed his CDL test. All weekend I begged God to just give us this one less trial. It has been since November that he has been trying to pass it. He has been miserable in the meantime. Failing 3 times will do that to you. Then we hit the point that he would be demoted if he didn't pass by the end of January. The end of January came and went and still he didn't pass. He wasn't scheduled until Feb. 23rd, but called last week and there was a cancellation for today. Coincidence? I think not.....continue:

I begged God and pleaded with him all morning that we could just have this one thing looming over us be behind us. I wanted my husband back. The stress had worn on him awful and apparently me as well, all morning my jaw hurt from the stress of waiting for that phone call.

His test was at noon. I got a call around 1:30. He had passed! :) Not only that, but it was all in God's hands for sure! Brian went in feeling as though he wouldn't be able to pass the driving now, even if he passed the pre-trip inspection and so he felt it was hopeless. I prayed for a miracle and God certainly sent one! The state trooper who had been with Brian during 2 of his failed attempts was supposed to be there today, but called in sick. A kind gentleman from up north farther was filling in and doesn't do this on a regular basis. He was very forgiving(not in a way that would be deceitful at all), but I'm sure his demeanor helped Brian relax and do well. That and the way he had practiced driving had been different than the test was. The perameters were much bigger than he had expected! Praise the Lord for His abundant provision and "yes" answered prayer today!

I took Brian out on the town to celebrate his success! I am very proud of him!

Resting in the Son

This week has not gone well. There have been so many chains laid on my shoulders as the week went on that I felt I would sink. Brian got hurt at work on Tuesday and slept the rest of the week away. Dylan fell on the hill in our yard and gave himself a concussion hitting his head on the ice. He went to the doctors Thursday evening and was restricted from doing anything, even school until he was symptom-free. Monday I had gone to a dermatologist(per my lyme specialist's suggestion...thank you Dr. Carr) and he biopsied one of my moles thinking it would be nothing, but just to make sure. Tuesday night I found out it was indeed skin cancer(the "good kind" the nurse told me). Thursday night I found out a friend had betrayed my trust. All in all a crappy week here in the Lajeunesse home.

I'll admit.....our past two years have been tough and I have had moments of frustration, but this week I truly hit a wall hard and fast! I was feeling the walls close in and felt as though I were drowning in my trials. The past few days in particular I was starting to have a bad attitude. I was feeling alone in my trials as Brian didn't feel well enough to help around the house and I didn't care any more about the mess......I was slipping into depression.

God gave me a vivid spiritual application today though. Kelsey and I went into my bedroom to rest for a while after lunch and when I went in, I found her curled up on my bed in the sun. She is just like me. I love that same spot. We are like cats all curled up warming ourselves in the sun.

Tonight I realized that that was my problem. I was spending my time hiding in the shadows of my trials and pain instead of coming out from behind those shadows into the light of the Son. Instead of seeking out the Son, I was stumbling around in the dark.

It doesn't mean my trials have ended or even have gotten any better, but it does mean that as long as I stand in the Son I will find each day easier to navigate. I won't be in the dark without a flashlight.

So, with that, I would encourage you to also find your way out of the shadows of whatever trials you are facing and find your way into the Son's light. It is warm and inviting and renews your strength. Spend time in His light every time you feel depressed and discouraged.