Some days I feel like I have it pretty well put together. I feel like I have had a good time with the Lord and I didn't yell at my kids and I loved my husband well. Other days I feel like I have nothing together. But even on my best days, there are still things that I can be working on and towards.
God has been showing me some of this the past 2 weeks. It is hard. It's hard to see all that you are doing wrong when you felt like you were doing pretty good. And yet without change there would be no improvement, no growth. God loves us where we are at, yes; but He also loves us too much to leave us there.
Let's face it, if your child were struggling with treating others with love you would still love them right? But you certainly would try to train and teach them that they need to love others for their sake as well as others. Mostly to please God, but there are certainly repurcussions for our actions as well. If your child isn't being loving then chances are they won't have many friends. You don't want that for your child.
God doesn't want that for us either.
God has been showing me that I have been living in fear due to certain circumstances. My counselor showed me that I had been unforgiving and that I need to not "be anxious about anything(Phil. 4:6)." The funny part is that when I was leaving he told me be aware because those thoughts and doubts will creep up by the end of the day. You need to "take them captive" and claim "the peace of God which passes all understanding" and "think on what is true"(Phil 4). I did pretty well for the past couple of days. Not that thoughts didn't come in, but I was able for the most part to rebuke them. But then last night hit. Just not being sure of where things are at I started to fear. And then it grew(kind of like the rumor weed in Larry Boy, except mine was fear). I tried to pray and take it captive. It didn't go well.
So here I am right back where I started. I know it will take time to get rid of the old bad habit and to form a new healthy one, but man it can be discouraging. I am all gung-ho about getting this under control, but I am still going to fall/stumble.
I remember Brian's best friend Kirby giving a sermon YEARS ago that still sticks in my brain today. He said it isn't a question of whether or not you will fall. The question is that WHEN you fall what are you going to do about it. You can stay down and discouraged and throw in the towel and give up. Or you can get back up again, brush yourself off and keep working toward the goal.
I want to be the type of person that gets right back up and keeps working toward that goal. I don't want to stay defeated. That is what Satan wants and I certainly don't want him to feel the joy of that victory. He already had a mini victory when I stumbled.
I love Psalm 139. I was reading it again this morning and being reminded of how God views me. Read it if you also need the reminder. The last 2 verses of the passage have been a challenge to me over the years off and on. Sometimes when I feel like things are going really well I will pray those verses and ask God to reveal to me what I should/could be working on. Well, this morning God is already showing me what I need to be working on, yet something popped out that I don't know that I have seen before(I love that about God's Word). It's verses 23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Did you see it? The word anxious. God knows my anxious thoughts. He knows I have been having them and that I needed the reminder that I need to be led in the way everlasting.
I can't do this alone. God is the one who will take me by the hand, even carry me sometimes through the muck and mire. He isn't afraid to roll up His sleeves and get into it with me to help me through. He loves me that much. I am so thankful for a God who cares so deeply about me. He doesn't say "Ugh, you did it again." No, He loves me and has pity and compassion on me and says to my soul "Yes, you fell again, but I am here to help you walk through this. You are not alone. You are not worthless. You are human, frail. I designed you this way. I want you to rely on me and keep your eyes focused on me."
A pastor I once had said this quote "I'm going to glance at my problems and gaze at my God." What power there is in that practice!
How about you today? Are you being shown some things that you need to work on? Let's encourage one another on the path to sanctification. It is a process not a destination. Keep fighting the good fight and keep the faith. We will arrive......in heaven. On earth there will be troubles the Bible says, but there is victory in Jesus. Keep holding on.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thankfulness for Today
Godly friends who give godly advice
Girl's night out
Prayer to a loving Heavenly Father
Beautiful weather
No cavities at the dentist
Fun trip to the playground with my 4 blessings(kids)
A husband who provides through working hard
Hugs from my children
A God who cares about me intimately
A family who loves and supports me through thick and thin
Answered prayer
Support of close friends
The constant reminder that God's ways/plans are not mine
God's peace and joy in my life
God's faithfulness to me
Girl's night out
Prayer to a loving Heavenly Father
Beautiful weather
No cavities at the dentist
Fun trip to the playground with my 4 blessings(kids)
A husband who provides through working hard
Hugs from my children
A God who cares about me intimately
A family who loves and supports me through thick and thin
Answered prayer
Support of close friends
The constant reminder that God's ways/plans are not mine
God's peace and joy in my life
God's faithfulness to me
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Todays Graces
Graces for today:
Beautiful, tall, happy sunflowers in our garden
Freshly mowed grass
My children and all their boisterous energy
My wonderful husband and all the patience he has for me, a sinful wife who messes up daily
Playing soccer with my children in the front yard(and the ability to still do a cartwheel!)
A quick, cool dip in the pool to cool off after the soccer game
Coffee.....love
Truth, though it sometimes hurts
Conviction, though it makes me uncomfortable, it causes me to strive to be a better person
Peace amidst trials
Pain and suffering, reminds me I am human and not there yet
Beautiful, tall, happy sunflowers in our garden
Freshly mowed grass
My children and all their boisterous energy
My wonderful husband and all the patience he has for me, a sinful wife who messes up daily
Playing soccer with my children in the front yard(and the ability to still do a cartwheel!)
A quick, cool dip in the pool to cool off after the soccer game
Coffee.....love
Truth, though it sometimes hurts
Conviction, though it makes me uncomfortable, it causes me to strive to be a better person
Peace amidst trials
Pain and suffering, reminds me I am human and not there yet
"You are not my enemy"
Why is it that the people closest to us, the ones we care the most about, and love the deepest, are the ones we hurt the easiest and the deepest and the most often? I hate this about myself. It is the one part of me that I loathe the most actually. I am one of those people who truly would do everything in my power to NEVER hurt anyone, let alone the ones I love the most. Except you know what? I can't always control it. I can't do a stinking thing about it always. I can work my hardest and be ever so conscious of it continually and yet there will still be times that I am breaking the heart of the one I love most.
This is where my title comes in. Brian and I have been to 3 Family Life marriage conferences over the years, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the one we attended 6 years ago. We were in the battle of our lives to save our marriage and our family. Satan wanted it badly. God wanted it too and He won...Praise the Lord. The one session I remember the most was profound to say the least. I don't remember his name or anything that he said that day except this one part. He asked us to turn to each other and hold each other's hands and look into each other's eyes and repeat "You are not my enemy." Profound right? Probably not to everyone. But to us in that moment it was huge!!! By the third time we said it we were no longer giggling, but the truth truly settled into our hearts. It was like God had just turned on a huge lightbulb in our hearts. We were angry with each other, hurt, mad, sad, betrayed.....on and on went the feelings, but the bottom line was that we were wrestling "not with flesh and blood, but with powers, etc." Satan wanted our family to be ripped into a million pieces, but that isn't what God wanted at all and He showed us clearly where our minds had drifted astray!
I'm so thankful that He did. But the fact still remains that I don't always respond great when my wonderful husband arrives at home every day. The long day wears on me and my mood is unpredictable depending on how things went with the kids. I know with God's help that I can resolve this, but it is a pattern that has been set for sure. Instead of greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss showing how much I missed him all day and asking about his day, he is often met with me breaking up a fight between brothers, or settling an argument about who had it first, or just the mess that our house is some days at the end of a long day/week with 6 people in it.
I must confess that I don't even realize that I do it, because again it was a pattern set so long ago that it is now a habit that must be broken so that I can in turn develop a new healthy pattern so Brian will want to come home to his wife who is always happy to see him. Because in spite of my mood, that is seriously the best part of my day is the moment he drives in that driveway. He is my best friend, my partner in life and the one I love to spend my time with making memories and laughing til my side hurts.
He is a wonderful husband too. He is almost always in a good mood and very steady. He loves me well. I feel treasured in his arms and in his look. He has provided so well for me all these years and man can he make me laugh! He is sexy and strong and just all around wonderful. I hate that I take him for granted, because the reality is that as I look around a lot of people I know are walking away from their marriages because this kind of stuff gets left unfixed, unsaid, and just plain old messy.
I don't ever want him to not feel loved. So here is my pledge to you godly girlies who read my post....I pledge to welcome my best friend home as though he were the prodigal son. I want you all to hold me to it. Because the bottom line is I don't want to lose/ruin the best thing going in my life right now.
This is where my title comes in. Brian and I have been to 3 Family Life marriage conferences over the years, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the one we attended 6 years ago. We were in the battle of our lives to save our marriage and our family. Satan wanted it badly. God wanted it too and He won...Praise the Lord. The one session I remember the most was profound to say the least. I don't remember his name or anything that he said that day except this one part. He asked us to turn to each other and hold each other's hands and look into each other's eyes and repeat "You are not my enemy." Profound right? Probably not to everyone. But to us in that moment it was huge!!! By the third time we said it we were no longer giggling, but the truth truly settled into our hearts. It was like God had just turned on a huge lightbulb in our hearts. We were angry with each other, hurt, mad, sad, betrayed.....on and on went the feelings, but the bottom line was that we were wrestling "not with flesh and blood, but with powers, etc." Satan wanted our family to be ripped into a million pieces, but that isn't what God wanted at all and He showed us clearly where our minds had drifted astray!
I'm so thankful that He did. But the fact still remains that I don't always respond great when my wonderful husband arrives at home every day. The long day wears on me and my mood is unpredictable depending on how things went with the kids. I know with God's help that I can resolve this, but it is a pattern that has been set for sure. Instead of greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss showing how much I missed him all day and asking about his day, he is often met with me breaking up a fight between brothers, or settling an argument about who had it first, or just the mess that our house is some days at the end of a long day/week with 6 people in it.
I must confess that I don't even realize that I do it, because again it was a pattern set so long ago that it is now a habit that must be broken so that I can in turn develop a new healthy pattern so Brian will want to come home to his wife who is always happy to see him. Because in spite of my mood, that is seriously the best part of my day is the moment he drives in that driveway. He is my best friend, my partner in life and the one I love to spend my time with making memories and laughing til my side hurts.
He is a wonderful husband too. He is almost always in a good mood and very steady. He loves me well. I feel treasured in his arms and in his look. He has provided so well for me all these years and man can he make me laugh! He is sexy and strong and just all around wonderful. I hate that I take him for granted, because the reality is that as I look around a lot of people I know are walking away from their marriages because this kind of stuff gets left unfixed, unsaid, and just plain old messy.
I don't ever want him to not feel loved. So here is my pledge to you godly girlies who read my post....I pledge to welcome my best friend home as though he were the prodigal son. I want you all to hold me to it. Because the bottom line is I don't want to lose/ruin the best thing going in my life right now.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Change My Life
OK, so here I go again. It has been forever again since I was on here, but a sweet faithful friend of mine begged me to get back on the bandwagon so here goes.....
This summer has been a bit rough, I will admit. But through it all, God is so good and so faithful(thus the title of my blog). He has shown Himself faithful time and again. I don't even doubt Him anymore when trials arise. Don't get me wrong, I get sad, scared, lonely, etc....but I don't doubt that He is there and has my best interest at heart and that He will see me through no matter what the outcome of the trial.
You see I know a secret. It is that humans are not trustworthy but our all-knowing, all-loving, provider God IS!!! He is so reliable. He is so faithful through it all. Even when I haven't been paying attention to Him he is there waiting for me to come spend time with Him. For the record, I love spending time with Him daily. It is just that some days get away from me. Mostly because of my need/desire for more sleep in the morning than any other reason. With our lyme disease I tend to have trouble getting up in the mornings. When I keep a routine/schedule I do much better. I enjoy my special chair and my coffee and my time with God. It is the best part of my day. He met me there today! I love it!
So through all of these difficulties this summer, one in particular that I won't go into detail, God gave me the strength I needed to get through. The way He seems to speak to me the most is through music. I have to say that through the years, worship is the best way to speak to my soul. The words just get me. And every trial a different song(s) affects me in ways it hasn't before.
This time it was a song by Ashes Remain. The song is "Change My Life." The words go like this:
I’m still awake tonight / broken up inside
I wanna run / but I don’t know where to go
I’m calling Your name / through the pain
Will You turn Your face to me
I’m crying out / I need a miracle
// CHORUS: If You could make the sun burn through the night
And You could make the dead man come alive
If You could make the oceans all run dry
Then I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life //
I wanna know who You are / that You can fix my heart
And I don’t have to run anymore
Open my eyes / let me see
Give me hope and set me free
Cause I don’t wanna be the way I was before
// CHORUS //
Give me something to believe in
Something worth fighting for
Something that I can’t ignore
You could make the sun burn through the night
You could make the oceans all run dry…
//CHORUS//
I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life
God totally used these words to speak life into my soul. If the God of the universe can make the sun burn through the night, and the dead man come alive, and the oceans all run dry; certainly He can change my life and my circumstances. I just clung to that promise and belief through those tough days and you know what? He DID! He doesn't leave us there alone. He pulls us up, carries us, holds us in His loving arms, and gives us exactly what we need as we take one tedious step after another. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle, but we have a God who can lift us up and carry us through the day. Just hold on. He will see you through!
This summer has been a bit rough, I will admit. But through it all, God is so good and so faithful(thus the title of my blog). He has shown Himself faithful time and again. I don't even doubt Him anymore when trials arise. Don't get me wrong, I get sad, scared, lonely, etc....but I don't doubt that He is there and has my best interest at heart and that He will see me through no matter what the outcome of the trial.
You see I know a secret. It is that humans are not trustworthy but our all-knowing, all-loving, provider God IS!!! He is so reliable. He is so faithful through it all. Even when I haven't been paying attention to Him he is there waiting for me to come spend time with Him. For the record, I love spending time with Him daily. It is just that some days get away from me. Mostly because of my need/desire for more sleep in the morning than any other reason. With our lyme disease I tend to have trouble getting up in the mornings. When I keep a routine/schedule I do much better. I enjoy my special chair and my coffee and my time with God. It is the best part of my day. He met me there today! I love it!
So through all of these difficulties this summer, one in particular that I won't go into detail, God gave me the strength I needed to get through. The way He seems to speak to me the most is through music. I have to say that through the years, worship is the best way to speak to my soul. The words just get me. And every trial a different song(s) affects me in ways it hasn't before.
This time it was a song by Ashes Remain. The song is "Change My Life." The words go like this:
I’m still awake tonight / broken up inside
I wanna run / but I don’t know where to go
I’m calling Your name / through the pain
Will You turn Your face to me
I’m crying out / I need a miracle
// CHORUS: If You could make the sun burn through the night
And You could make the dead man come alive
If You could make the oceans all run dry
Then I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life //
I wanna know who You are / that You can fix my heart
And I don’t have to run anymore
Open my eyes / let me see
Give me hope and set me free
Cause I don’t wanna be the way I was before
// CHORUS //
Give me something to believe in
Something worth fighting for
Something that I can’t ignore
You could make the sun burn through the night
You could make the oceans all run dry…
//CHORUS//
I know You can change my life
I know You can change my life
God totally used these words to speak life into my soul. If the God of the universe can make the sun burn through the night, and the dead man come alive, and the oceans all run dry; certainly He can change my life and my circumstances. I just clung to that promise and belief through those tough days and you know what? He DID! He doesn't leave us there alone. He pulls us up, carries us, holds us in His loving arms, and gives us exactly what we need as we take one tedious step after another. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle, but we have a God who can lift us up and carry us through the day. Just hold on. He will see you through!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
God's Tapestry
I love how God gives us words when we need them. The other night our family sat doing devotions before the kids went to bed. They were not short ones that night and all the kids participated and were very attentive. I felt the Holy Spirit move in our home that night for sure.
I was able to share a couple of different verses with our kids that night. One was Psalm 133:1~
"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" I want our children to understand what blessings come when we can live together in unity. The chapter continues and shares that the place of unity is where the "Lord bestows his blessing even life forevermore." What a beautiful picture! I want that in my life and in my home!!! Our home is full of chaos and strife right now....with noone feeling well and tons of appointments and meds, life is busy and stressful. Two of our children in particular have a difficult time getting along(which I realize can be normal in most homes), but it causes tension in all of us!
I then went on to share the verse in Psalm 50:14~ "Sacrifice thank offerings to God...." I asked them what a sacrifice was and what would sacrificing a thank offering look like? I shared with them how even in the most difficult times and circumstances we need to be thanking God. Later in bed Dylan asked me "we should thank God for our lyme disease?" I told him, no, but we should thank Him for the opportunities it brings in our life. I shared how the doctor we see doesn't know Jesus and we can be Jesus to him in our actions and our words. And how friends and AWANA leaders that he knows have cancer and they use it as an opportunity to share Jesus with all of the nurses and doctors they come in contact with. What opportunity God brings through our suffering if we are just focused on thanking Him for the growth it brings in our life instead of dwelling on the difficulties it brings.
Also, I shared with the kids that we need to learn to be content with what God has allowed in our lives, where He has placed us. I can remember Brian not being content with not being a pastor when we left Bible school. It wasn't until he became content with where God had placed us that a church called and wanted him to pastor. I shared with the kids that I felt strongly that until we are content where God has placed us in the now and can offer thanks in the situations we face today, that He won't "rescue" us from those spots until we are in that place of contentment, joy, and thanks.
I showed the kids a "blanket" that would be similar to a tapestry. I showed them the back of the blanket and asked them what they saw. They came to the same conclusion that it was not pretty, it was messy and not brightly colored. And then when we turned it around the picture made sense and the colors were vibrant. That is like our lives. We can only see the mess on the back of a cross-stitched picture or the back of a blanket. It is full of knots(pain and confusion) and dull colors. We can only see what is today. We don't see tomorrow, much less what the end of our lives will look like. However, God can see the finished product. He was in the beginning and He will be in the end. He sees it as a beautiful tapestry, woven out of the pain and sorrow in our lives, the joyful moments too!
Peter started to sink when he took his eyes off his Lord and Savior. He was too focused on the storm and waves and not on the goal which is Jesus. If we can only keep our eyes fixed on Him "the author and finisher of our faith." He is God, he will never let us go. Let's call on Him to hold us through the storms of life.
I love how God just gives you the words and breathes through you when your family or friend or even yourself needs His word spoken to your very soul. It is a cool thing to be a part of God's beautiful tapestry. Keep your eyes fixed on Him! :)
I was able to share a couple of different verses with our kids that night. One was Psalm 133:1~
"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" I want our children to understand what blessings come when we can live together in unity. The chapter continues and shares that the place of unity is where the "Lord bestows his blessing even life forevermore." What a beautiful picture! I want that in my life and in my home!!! Our home is full of chaos and strife right now....with noone feeling well and tons of appointments and meds, life is busy and stressful. Two of our children in particular have a difficult time getting along(which I realize can be normal in most homes), but it causes tension in all of us!
I then went on to share the verse in Psalm 50:14~ "Sacrifice thank offerings to God...." I asked them what a sacrifice was and what would sacrificing a thank offering look like? I shared with them how even in the most difficult times and circumstances we need to be thanking God. Later in bed Dylan asked me "we should thank God for our lyme disease?" I told him, no, but we should thank Him for the opportunities it brings in our life. I shared how the doctor we see doesn't know Jesus and we can be Jesus to him in our actions and our words. And how friends and AWANA leaders that he knows have cancer and they use it as an opportunity to share Jesus with all of the nurses and doctors they come in contact with. What opportunity God brings through our suffering if we are just focused on thanking Him for the growth it brings in our life instead of dwelling on the difficulties it brings.
Also, I shared with the kids that we need to learn to be content with what God has allowed in our lives, where He has placed us. I can remember Brian not being content with not being a pastor when we left Bible school. It wasn't until he became content with where God had placed us that a church called and wanted him to pastor. I shared with the kids that I felt strongly that until we are content where God has placed us in the now and can offer thanks in the situations we face today, that He won't "rescue" us from those spots until we are in that place of contentment, joy, and thanks.
I showed the kids a "blanket" that would be similar to a tapestry. I showed them the back of the blanket and asked them what they saw. They came to the same conclusion that it was not pretty, it was messy and not brightly colored. And then when we turned it around the picture made sense and the colors were vibrant. That is like our lives. We can only see the mess on the back of a cross-stitched picture or the back of a blanket. It is full of knots(pain and confusion) and dull colors. We can only see what is today. We don't see tomorrow, much less what the end of our lives will look like. However, God can see the finished product. He was in the beginning and He will be in the end. He sees it as a beautiful tapestry, woven out of the pain and sorrow in our lives, the joyful moments too!
Peter started to sink when he took his eyes off his Lord and Savior. He was too focused on the storm and waves and not on the goal which is Jesus. If we can only keep our eyes fixed on Him "the author and finisher of our faith." He is God, he will never let us go. Let's call on Him to hold us through the storms of life.
I love how God just gives you the words and breathes through you when your family or friend or even yourself needs His word spoken to your very soul. It is a cool thing to be a part of God's beautiful tapestry. Keep your eyes fixed on Him! :)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Saturday
I have come to love Saturdays, busy or not. We work together as a family to get caught up from our crazy busy week of appointments and activities, homework and work. We then all get to play together. Rest in the afternoon and just be together.
Today we had our small group over for lunch and everyone brought food to share. It was a beautiful spread, almost as good as Panera! We enjoyed the chaos of 10 children 6 adults and lots of food. It was a fun time of fellowship in the middle of our day where we could just be together and encourage one another in our families. I enjoy this group with all my heart. They understand me and love me all the same. They see my family as imperfect and love them the way they are. We encourage one another to continue growing in our faith and walk with God. I am truly thankful for God's gift of these beautiful people in my life.
I hope that all of you are so lucky to have people like this in your life. Enjoy every day as though it is your last, because we just never know! God has our days numbered and we are responsible to make the most of every moment for His glory.
Today we had our small group over for lunch and everyone brought food to share. It was a beautiful spread, almost as good as Panera! We enjoyed the chaos of 10 children 6 adults and lots of food. It was a fun time of fellowship in the middle of our day where we could just be together and encourage one another in our families. I enjoy this group with all my heart. They understand me and love me all the same. They see my family as imperfect and love them the way they are. We encourage one another to continue growing in our faith and walk with God. I am truly thankful for God's gift of these beautiful people in my life.
I hope that all of you are so lucky to have people like this in your life. Enjoy every day as though it is your last, because we just never know! God has our days numbered and we are responsible to make the most of every moment for His glory.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Perseverance
You know you have had a rough week when you haven't even had time to clean your toilets which take all of 5 minutes each to clean thoroughly; and since I can't stand dirty toilets, this tells you something about my week. We have had appointment after appointment for the past two weeks and this week is even worse......come on next week! :)
God is sustaining me through these crazy days in spite of myself. I am worn out, but have not given up yet. I know that this is a stage of life, though it has been two long years of many appointments weekly and it doesn't seem to be slowing down; instead it is getting worse at the moment. But, all that said, I know that God has a plan even in all of this.
I commented to Brian the other day how this is God's will for our life right now. He commented back "No this was not in God's plans; sickness, disease, etc." He is right....it wasn't in God's original plans. But like Job I choose to continue to praise Him in these trials because I know that "the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." (James 1: 3b-6)
In all of these health trials we have faced I have asked God for wisdom and He continues to give direction and confirmation. It has been and continues to be a long road. But knowing that in the end there is a hope waiting for me, even if it means after this life on earth, it is sooooo worth the wait. My sister-in-law says "it's only a life sentence." And I thank my heavenly Father for His promises to me of eternity. He has not disappointed me yet and I know for certain that He will not then either! I for one, can't wait! :)
Until then, I continue to persevere. Lord Jesus, keep my eyes on the prize which is you.
God is sustaining me through these crazy days in spite of myself. I am worn out, but have not given up yet. I know that this is a stage of life, though it has been two long years of many appointments weekly and it doesn't seem to be slowing down; instead it is getting worse at the moment. But, all that said, I know that God has a plan even in all of this.
I commented to Brian the other day how this is God's will for our life right now. He commented back "No this was not in God's plans; sickness, disease, etc." He is right....it wasn't in God's original plans. But like Job I choose to continue to praise Him in these trials because I know that "the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." (James 1: 3b-6)
In all of these health trials we have faced I have asked God for wisdom and He continues to give direction and confirmation. It has been and continues to be a long road. But knowing that in the end there is a hope waiting for me, even if it means after this life on earth, it is sooooo worth the wait. My sister-in-law says "it's only a life sentence." And I thank my heavenly Father for His promises to me of eternity. He has not disappointed me yet and I know for certain that He will not then either! I for one, can't wait! :)
Until then, I continue to persevere. Lord Jesus, keep my eyes on the prize which is you.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
God's Balm for my Aching Heart
I love how God gives us just what we need when we need it the most. I bought a devotional when I was out shopping with my SIL per her suggestion called "Jesus Calling". They are just quick, short ones, but they lift my spirit for sure. It is like God is speaking balm to my aching heart. I love when the day you read something it is just what you needed. He is meeting me in my trying times that is for sure.
Here is what I read(some of it) on Tuesday:
"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are boneweary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life."
"....your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents(the world, the flesh, and the devil). However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence."
Here is what I read yesterday:
"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.......When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to me......I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place."
Can I just tell you how much this brought me to tears. It is EXACTLY where I am right now and God met me in the muck and mire, just like a Good Shepherd will. He is so precious to me. I truly don't know how I would walk even one day without Him right now.
#952: a Shepherd who cares for me deeply
#953: trials that refine me
#954: how God meets me where I am at
#955: how God gives me what I need when I need it most
#956: dear friends who pray and encourage and spur me on(thank you Angelica Smith, you are precious to me)
#957: my goofy son who makes me smile even in my worse moments
#958: my husband who just wraps his arms around me and comforts me in my pain
#959: friends and neighbor who help in tangible ways with our kids and understand that I am not completly psychotic, just weary(Sandy & Mike Unger you are true blessings to our family...thank you)
#960: God's Word that gives me my daily bread and keeps my eyes on Him
Here is what I read(some of it) on Tuesday:
"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are boneweary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life."
"....your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents(the world, the flesh, and the devil). However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence."
Here is what I read yesterday:
"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.......When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to me......I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place."
Can I just tell you how much this brought me to tears. It is EXACTLY where I am right now and God met me in the muck and mire, just like a Good Shepherd will. He is so precious to me. I truly don't know how I would walk even one day without Him right now.
#952: a Shepherd who cares for me deeply
#953: trials that refine me
#954: how God meets me where I am at
#955: how God gives me what I need when I need it most
#956: dear friends who pray and encourage and spur me on(thank you Angelica Smith, you are precious to me)
#957: my goofy son who makes me smile even in my worse moments
#958: my husband who just wraps his arms around me and comforts me in my pain
#959: friends and neighbor who help in tangible ways with our kids and understand that I am not completly psychotic, just weary(Sandy & Mike Unger you are true blessings to our family...thank you)
#960: God's Word that gives me my daily bread and keeps my eyes on Him
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
My Shepherd
I will be honest and say I feel like I hit the wall again today. It just seems as though I am drowning in my circumstances. I'm trying so hard to keep my eyes on Him, but even He took time aside to regroup and pray and rest. I have not had that opportunity in so long that my frail, human self is at its wits end.
So much goes on in our lives in the course of a week, let alone one day in our existence. Bradley is getting help, yes, but I found out that the lyme meds he will need to be on in the spring will interact with the other med we just started him on. So now we need to find an alternative med and he just got a new prescription filled yesterday! AHHHH!
Also, Dylan has not been going to bed. I'm sure the reasons are two-fold: Brian being on nights, and his concussion keeps him out of all activity during the day so he is not tired. He got angry at school today and couldn't seem to control himself, which is not like him. So the doctor told me that when kids have concussions their ability to control their impulses are diminished-GREAT!
There is more, but none-the-less, I just feel at the end of my rope. I know who holds my tomorrows and I rest in the knowledge that he doesn't allow more than I can handle. But let me be real in saying that I have certainly asked Him lately what He is thinking. My shoulders and jaw hurt from all the stress. Tomorrow they remove my skin cancer......hopefully that is the only spot there is any.
Life goes on......and I am clinging to my faithful God with all my strength, but more importantly He is holding on to me with all His strength, which far outweighs any I have. Praise the Lord! So grateful for my Shepherd. He carries me on His shoulders when I am bruised, and I am definitely there!
So much goes on in our lives in the course of a week, let alone one day in our existence. Bradley is getting help, yes, but I found out that the lyme meds he will need to be on in the spring will interact with the other med we just started him on. So now we need to find an alternative med and he just got a new prescription filled yesterday! AHHHH!
Also, Dylan has not been going to bed. I'm sure the reasons are two-fold: Brian being on nights, and his concussion keeps him out of all activity during the day so he is not tired. He got angry at school today and couldn't seem to control himself, which is not like him. So the doctor told me that when kids have concussions their ability to control their impulses are diminished-GREAT!
There is more, but none-the-less, I just feel at the end of my rope. I know who holds my tomorrows and I rest in the knowledge that he doesn't allow more than I can handle. But let me be real in saying that I have certainly asked Him lately what He is thinking. My shoulders and jaw hurt from all the stress. Tomorrow they remove my skin cancer......hopefully that is the only spot there is any.
Life goes on......and I am clinging to my faithful God with all my strength, but more importantly He is holding on to me with all His strength, which far outweighs any I have. Praise the Lord! So grateful for my Shepherd. He carries me on His shoulders when I am bruised, and I am definitely there!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Long Road
What a long road this has been and in some ways it is just getting started. Bradley's appointment went well today. We got answers and have a direction and a doctor to follow up with us finally. What a huge blessing. His road will be long~lifelong, but God will hold his hand through it all if he allows him to. I pray that now he can start to heal and find his way back to God's side for the long journey ahead. I hope that he finds, like his momma, that his journey would be so much more joyful if he walks it with his faithful God instead of going it alone.
I am thankful for one more thing being answered, but it is a hard thing to swallow too. Knowing Jeremiah 29:11 is certainly a comfort knowing God knows the plans He has for Bradley. His plan if for Bradley to prosper, to give him a hope and not harm. I pray this truth to be ingrained into Bradley's heart so that he will cling to his Savior during the difficult times. Also that God would protect Bradley through those desperate times he will surely face in life.
I am so thankful too that Brian worked nights this week(probably one of the few times you will ever hear me say that) so that he was able to be there for the appointment. God sure is in the big and the little things in life.
I'm so glad that I am able to journey through this life on earth with my Faithful God.
I am thankful for one more thing being answered, but it is a hard thing to swallow too. Knowing Jeremiah 29:11 is certainly a comfort knowing God knows the plans He has for Bradley. His plan if for Bradley to prosper, to give him a hope and not harm. I pray this truth to be ingrained into Bradley's heart so that he will cling to his Savior during the difficult times. Also that God would protect Bradley through those desperate times he will surely face in life.
I am so thankful too that Brian worked nights this week(probably one of the few times you will ever hear me say that) so that he was able to be there for the appointment. God sure is in the big and the little things in life.
I'm so glad that I am able to journey through this life on earth with my Faithful God.
Monday, February 6, 2012
God showed up....are you surprised?
The suns rays came shining through on our humble little home today. Brian passed his CDL test. All weekend I begged God to just give us this one less trial. It has been since November that he has been trying to pass it. He has been miserable in the meantime. Failing 3 times will do that to you. Then we hit the point that he would be demoted if he didn't pass by the end of January. The end of January came and went and still he didn't pass. He wasn't scheduled until Feb. 23rd, but called last week and there was a cancellation for today. Coincidence? I think not.....continue:
I begged God and pleaded with him all morning that we could just have this one thing looming over us be behind us. I wanted my husband back. The stress had worn on him awful and apparently me as well, all morning my jaw hurt from the stress of waiting for that phone call.
His test was at noon. I got a call around 1:30. He had passed! :) Not only that, but it was all in God's hands for sure! Brian went in feeling as though he wouldn't be able to pass the driving now, even if he passed the pre-trip inspection and so he felt it was hopeless. I prayed for a miracle and God certainly sent one! The state trooper who had been with Brian during 2 of his failed attempts was supposed to be there today, but called in sick. A kind gentleman from up north farther was filling in and doesn't do this on a regular basis. He was very forgiving(not in a way that would be deceitful at all), but I'm sure his demeanor helped Brian relax and do well. That and the way he had practiced driving had been different than the test was. The perameters were much bigger than he had expected! Praise the Lord for His abundant provision and "yes" answered prayer today!
I took Brian out on the town to celebrate his success! I am very proud of him!
I begged God and pleaded with him all morning that we could just have this one thing looming over us be behind us. I wanted my husband back. The stress had worn on him awful and apparently me as well, all morning my jaw hurt from the stress of waiting for that phone call.
His test was at noon. I got a call around 1:30. He had passed! :) Not only that, but it was all in God's hands for sure! Brian went in feeling as though he wouldn't be able to pass the driving now, even if he passed the pre-trip inspection and so he felt it was hopeless. I prayed for a miracle and God certainly sent one! The state trooper who had been with Brian during 2 of his failed attempts was supposed to be there today, but called in sick. A kind gentleman from up north farther was filling in and doesn't do this on a regular basis. He was very forgiving(not in a way that would be deceitful at all), but I'm sure his demeanor helped Brian relax and do well. That and the way he had practiced driving had been different than the test was. The perameters were much bigger than he had expected! Praise the Lord for His abundant provision and "yes" answered prayer today!
I took Brian out on the town to celebrate his success! I am very proud of him!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Resting in the Son
This week has not gone well. There have been so many chains laid on my shoulders as the week went on that I felt I would sink. Brian got hurt at work on Tuesday and slept the rest of the week away. Dylan fell on the hill in our yard and gave himself a concussion hitting his head on the ice. He went to the doctors Thursday evening and was restricted from doing anything, even school until he was symptom-free. Monday I had gone to a dermatologist(per my lyme specialist's suggestion...thank you Dr. Carr) and he biopsied one of my moles thinking it would be nothing, but just to make sure. Tuesday night I found out it was indeed skin cancer(the "good kind" the nurse told me). Thursday night I found out a friend had betrayed my trust. All in all a crappy week here in the Lajeunesse home.
I'll admit.....our past two years have been tough and I have had moments of frustration, but this week I truly hit a wall hard and fast! I was feeling the walls close in and felt as though I were drowning in my trials. The past few days in particular I was starting to have a bad attitude. I was feeling alone in my trials as Brian didn't feel well enough to help around the house and I didn't care any more about the mess......I was slipping into depression.
God gave me a vivid spiritual application today though. Kelsey and I went into my bedroom to rest for a while after lunch and when I went in, I found her curled up on my bed in the sun. She is just like me. I love that same spot. We are like cats all curled up warming ourselves in the sun.
Tonight I realized that that was my problem. I was spending my time hiding in the shadows of my trials and pain instead of coming out from behind those shadows into the light of the Son. Instead of seeking out the Son, I was stumbling around in the dark.
It doesn't mean my trials have ended or even have gotten any better, but it does mean that as long as I stand in the Son I will find each day easier to navigate. I won't be in the dark without a flashlight.
So, with that, I would encourage you to also find your way out of the shadows of whatever trials you are facing and find your way into the Son's light. It is warm and inviting and renews your strength. Spend time in His light every time you feel depressed and discouraged.
I'll admit.....our past two years have been tough and I have had moments of frustration, but this week I truly hit a wall hard and fast! I was feeling the walls close in and felt as though I were drowning in my trials. The past few days in particular I was starting to have a bad attitude. I was feeling alone in my trials as Brian didn't feel well enough to help around the house and I didn't care any more about the mess......I was slipping into depression.
God gave me a vivid spiritual application today though. Kelsey and I went into my bedroom to rest for a while after lunch and when I went in, I found her curled up on my bed in the sun. She is just like me. I love that same spot. We are like cats all curled up warming ourselves in the sun.
Tonight I realized that that was my problem. I was spending my time hiding in the shadows of my trials and pain instead of coming out from behind those shadows into the light of the Son. Instead of seeking out the Son, I was stumbling around in the dark.
It doesn't mean my trials have ended or even have gotten any better, but it does mean that as long as I stand in the Son I will find each day easier to navigate. I won't be in the dark without a flashlight.
So, with that, I would encourage you to also find your way out of the shadows of whatever trials you are facing and find your way into the Son's light. It is warm and inviting and renews your strength. Spend time in His light every time you feel depressed and discouraged.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Having it all together
Do I have to ALWAYS have it together?
I feel like lately I NEVER have it together!
But what is having it all together anyways?
Does it mean that my house is spotless, my kids well-behaved, everyone prim and proper looking? No! It should mean that no matter what I am doing that my heart is focused on what is truly important which is Jesus and all that He means in my life. If I'm scrubbing toilets, I should be thankful that I can bend and clean it and thankful that I don't have to bear my bare bottom on the side of the street in a ditch because we don't have indoor plumbing. When I am picking up the clutter for the millionth time this week I should be thankful for the abundance of "stuff" that we own and that I have 4 healthy children and a wonderful husband who use all this "stuff".
My Savior has given me everlasting life. I think that I can give Him time out of every day to spend time in His Word and also helping those He puts in my path who need a helping, compassionate hand. This week it is a friend from our small group who had surgery and has 3 little ones. Last week it was helping out a neighbor who needed me to watch her child while she did a job. The week before that it was to encourage a dear sister-in-Christ that in time she will heal and be ok because I have walked in her shoes.
God gives us ample opportunities every day and every week. If we are in tune to Him then we will have it all together. We will be ready, willing servants for the greater good of bringing people closer to the one who gave us all a chance at eternal life.
Heavenly Father, thank you for opportunity and thank you for your grace in my own life that I can share with those you put in front of me today. Help me to see through your eyes who it is you want me to love for you this day.
I feel like lately I NEVER have it together!
But what is having it all together anyways?
Does it mean that my house is spotless, my kids well-behaved, everyone prim and proper looking? No! It should mean that no matter what I am doing that my heart is focused on what is truly important which is Jesus and all that He means in my life. If I'm scrubbing toilets, I should be thankful that I can bend and clean it and thankful that I don't have to bear my bare bottom on the side of the street in a ditch because we don't have indoor plumbing. When I am picking up the clutter for the millionth time this week I should be thankful for the abundance of "stuff" that we own and that I have 4 healthy children and a wonderful husband who use all this "stuff".
My Savior has given me everlasting life. I think that I can give Him time out of every day to spend time in His Word and also helping those He puts in my path who need a helping, compassionate hand. This week it is a friend from our small group who had surgery and has 3 little ones. Last week it was helping out a neighbor who needed me to watch her child while she did a job. The week before that it was to encourage a dear sister-in-Christ that in time she will heal and be ok because I have walked in her shoes.
God gives us ample opportunities every day and every week. If we are in tune to Him then we will have it all together. We will be ready, willing servants for the greater good of bringing people closer to the one who gave us all a chance at eternal life.
Heavenly Father, thank you for opportunity and thank you for your grace in my own life that I can share with those you put in front of me today. Help me to see through your eyes who it is you want me to love for you this day.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Because He Lives
I am always in awe of the wisdom and direction God gives. Why it surprises me I still don't know, but it always seems to pleasantly do so. I am so thankful for a God who is my friend and confidant who walks beside me and holds my hand through this journey called life. What I would do without Him in this journey on earth is beyond me. I love that I have a hope eternal to look forward to. I was listening to David Crowder today as I made dinner and the hymn "Because He Lives" came on. Listen to the words some time again. What peace and assurance it brings to my very soul.
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives."
Oh sweet assurance......
The past couple of weeks have been crazy busy, but amidst my chaos my Heavenly Father holds my hand and guides me through the muck and mire and sheds light on all that is truly important.
#935: time spent with a dear sister in Christ who encouraged me in my mothering and wifely duties
#936: progress in our family unity
#937: God showing me clear direction where my son's health is concerned
#938: opportunities to share my journey with others
#939: chances to encourage others in their walk with Christ
#940: messes everywhere.......reminders of what is truly important in life
#941: parents who love to have their grandchildren spend time with them.....a blessing to all
#942: healthy children who play hockey and do dance with all the passion they have in their bodies
#943: a man who loves me unconditionally and supports me in all my duties
#944: the reminders all around me that this is not my home
#945: the examples of those who have gone before us
#946: neighbors and friends who bless us with "old" furniture that we need and they no longer do
#947: witnessing spiritual growth in our small group
#948: safety of a friend who went through surgery last minute yesterday
#949: good deals at a thrift store to help out with our food pantry
#950: God's provision at work
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives."
Oh sweet assurance......
The past couple of weeks have been crazy busy, but amidst my chaos my Heavenly Father holds my hand and guides me through the muck and mire and sheds light on all that is truly important.
#935: time spent with a dear sister in Christ who encouraged me in my mothering and wifely duties
#936: progress in our family unity
#937: God showing me clear direction where my son's health is concerned
#938: opportunities to share my journey with others
#939: chances to encourage others in their walk with Christ
#940: messes everywhere.......reminders of what is truly important in life
#941: parents who love to have their grandchildren spend time with them.....a blessing to all
#942: healthy children who play hockey and do dance with all the passion they have in their bodies
#943: a man who loves me unconditionally and supports me in all my duties
#944: the reminders all around me that this is not my home
#945: the examples of those who have gone before us
#946: neighbors and friends who bless us with "old" furniture that we need and they no longer do
#947: witnessing spiritual growth in our small group
#948: safety of a friend who went through surgery last minute yesterday
#949: good deals at a thrift store to help out with our food pantry
#950: God's provision at work
Saturday, January 14, 2012
God's Graces
OK, so here I go again......I have felt the proddings lately to write on here again. I have been counting God's graces since last summer and it has changed my life. My perspective is no longer on my woes, but on my WOWS!!! They can be huge, but mostly they are the simple every day things that God blesses my day with.
Like:
#916: family gathered to celebrate the growing lives of my twin boys
#917: a husband who works so hard to provide for our needs
#918: a husband who calls our boys to manhood and to step up to their responsibilities in our home
#919: my little girl and her cousin having such a sweet relationship....I pray it lasts forever
The list goes on and on each and every day. Some days I have to look far and some days they are glaring me in the face and daring me to complain. How can I when I see how God is constantly pouring out His grace into mine and my family's life? He is soooo good!!!
Let me share a quote for you that I read the other day in "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. "Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life." Wow! How can I NOT see Him involved in every detail of my life?!? His grace flows through every moment of every day of my life and all the craziness and calmness of my days. He is in every single one.
I am very grateful for a God who doesn't sit up there on His throne watching from afar, but instead holds my hand and guides me step by step around each new pothole in the road. He will not let me go! Praise the Lord!
Like:
#916: family gathered to celebrate the growing lives of my twin boys
#917: a husband who works so hard to provide for our needs
#918: a husband who calls our boys to manhood and to step up to their responsibilities in our home
#919: my little girl and her cousin having such a sweet relationship....I pray it lasts forever
The list goes on and on each and every day. Some days I have to look far and some days they are glaring me in the face and daring me to complain. How can I when I see how God is constantly pouring out His grace into mine and my family's life? He is soooo good!!!
Let me share a quote for you that I read the other day in "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. "Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life." Wow! How can I NOT see Him involved in every detail of my life?!? His grace flows through every moment of every day of my life and all the craziness and calmness of my days. He is in every single one.
I am very grateful for a God who doesn't sit up there on His throne watching from afar, but instead holds my hand and guides me step by step around each new pothole in the road. He will not let me go! Praise the Lord!
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